Wednesday mailbag · Issue 96

You are not doing it wrong. It is just genuinely hard.

Reader questions about sleep, tantrums, screens and the guilt, answered honestly by someone whose house is also loud at 6am.

Read this week’s mailbag

This week

The 4pm meltdown hour, explained

The 4pm meltdown hour, explained

New

Wednesday · 6 min read

Why the worst hour of the day is almost always the same hour, and four things that genuinely take the edge off it.

 What I stopped buying after the third child

What I stopped buying after the third child

Popular

Monday · 4 min read

A short, unsentimental list. The wipes warmer did not make it. Neither did most of the sleep gadgets.

 Daycare drop-off without the guilt spiral

Daycare drop-off without the guilt spiral

Reader favourite

Last week · 7 min read

The two-minute goodbye routine an early-childhood teacher taught me, and why looking back is fine actually.

The Wednesday mailbag

Three questions from readers, answered as I would answer a friend. Names changed, permission given.

  1. Reader09:02

    My 3-year-old has started refusing to nap but is a disaster by 5pm. Do I fight for the nap or drop it?

  2. Priya09:14

    Neither, in my experience — you split the difference for about six weeks. Around three, most kids need rest but not sleep, and the fight is usually about the bed, not the tiredness.

    1. Rename it: "quiet time", same room, door open, no requirement to sleep.
    2. Books and one quiet toy allowed. 45 minutes, timer they can see.
    3. If they fall asleep, cap it at an hour so bedtime survives.
    4. Move dinner 20 minutes earlier for those six weeks — the 5pm disaster is often hunger wearing a costume.

    Ours dropped naps properly at 3 years 4 months and quiet time stayed until school. It is the single best thing we did for the afternoons.

  3. Reader09:31

    How much screen time is too much? I feel awful every time I hand over the tablet and I hand it over most days.

  4. Priya09:47

    Honestly? The number matters less than what it displaces. An hour while you cook dinner is not the same hour as one that replaces the only outdoor time in the day.

    What helped me more than any limit was making it predictable — same slot, announced in advance, ends with a timer rather than with me. The screaming was never about the screen, it was about the surprise.

    If you are the only person in your house feeling guilty about it, the problem is probably the guilt and not the tablet.

  5. Reader10:05

    Second baby due in March and I already feel like I am betraying the first one. Does that go away?

  6. Priya10:20

    It goes quiet, then it comes back on the first properly hard day, then it fades for good somewhere around the point where they start playing together without you.

    The thing nobody told me: you do not divide your attention, but you do divide your time, and those are not the same loss. Ten focused minutes at bedtime with the older one bought me more peace than any amount of guilt-driven daytime hovering.

    Read: the first six weeks with twoAsk your own question

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From the archive

Sleep regressions that were not regressions
Sleep18 February

Sleep regressions that were not regressions

Three times I lost a fortnight to a "regression" that turned out to be a tooth, a growth spurt, and once, memorably, a new streetlight.

 The lunchbox that finally came home empty
Food4 February

The lunchbox that finally came home empty

Four terms of trial and error at a Melbourne kinder, and the five things that survive a hot bag until midday.

 Saying no without a forty-minute negotiation
Behaviour21 January

Saying no without a forty-minute negotiation

Short scripts that work on a determined toddler, none of which involve counting to three or raising your voice.

 What a $0 weekend looks like with three kids
Budget14 January

What a $0 weekend looks like with three kids

Library, creek, cardboard, and the local pool on a free-entry Sunday. Nobody noticed it was a budget decision.

 Splitting the mental load, on paper
Partnership7 January

Splitting the mental load, on paper

The shared list that finally stopped the "just tell me what to do" conversation in our house. Includes the template.

 Flying to Perth with three under five
Travel20 December

Flying to Perth with three under five

Four hours, one aisle seat, zero screens confiscated. Mostly luck, partly the snack strategy in the middle section.

Who is answering

Priya Raman, three kids, one very loud kitchen

I am not a paediatrician, a sleep consultant or a parenting expert. I am a former primary school teacher in Melbourne with three children aged five, three and one, writing down what worked, what did not, and what I would tell a friend at the school gate. Everything here is opinion and experience, not medical advice — for anything about feeding, development or health, please talk to your GP or maternal and child health nurse. What I can offer is the honest version: the mornings that went badly, the things I bought and regretted, and the reassurance that most of this is normal and most of it passes.

A busy family kitchen with breakfast things on the table